As a continuation of the post On the edge of a dream...
Swaying back and forth
My mind is oscillating
More back than forth;
I feel it retreating
But isn’t directionality dependent on Point-Of-View?
I write because I don’t know how to speak. I speak a lot but it is a speech of no consequence. Even the voice in my head has an accent and an attitude.
At what point do we know if we are making the right choice? It’s not as easy as picking a length of time to microwave foodstuff and we are very picky even about that. So how much deliberation is required to know what is the next step in your life? How much time should one devote to that? Finally, will the thought-endeavour ever come to fruition?
The dream from yesterday was real; not a deliberate fiction at least. It was an early morning dream. I woke up and decided to fall back asleep because I felt there was no promise to keep with the day. I had no promises to keep with myself or with anyone. It is sad to realise that. It should be liberating you’d think. But having no promise is essentially just that.
The train is the next step. I am on a slow journey to take that train. I have let go of my past. The night is coming and it’s getting darker and more dangerous. I feel the pressure to be on time. I meet happy people who are telling me that life is wonderful and filled with lovely experiences. I am losing time making wrong decisions. The station is my current life filled with major and minor distractions. It is a complex life. I have put up security to protect this life. I don’t need the security. They don’t stop life from continuing and things from happening. They’re there to keep me alert and scared. The time is coming closer for me to take the next step. I feel all the different people in my life running to take it. They are everywhere – the people. They are going to make it. I can’t seem to know how to get to the next step.
The train had all the answers. The train was in my dream.