A budding of white with green stalk so soft
Like fetal fingers of a garden nymph
Tiny drops of nurture push aloft
The gentle scent creating soothing symph-
-ony. Blooms reveal loudly notes in harmony
To dress a maiden’s song, to chant ancient
Prayers in chains framed for gods, formally
Presented. Bushes as aromatic bastions
To keep the outsiders lulled. I remember
These innocent floral sweets in arrangement,
Looking like liquorice swirls bicolored,
Divided arm-wise by wise hands on payment
On pavement; wearing on my hair Jasmine
From childhood, a fragrant tea stirring still.
The poem was inspired by today's prompt at The Daily Post: The Transporter Tell us about a sensation — a taste, a smell, a piece of music — that transports you back to childhood. Also, I am practicing my sonnet writing skills. This is my second attempt, ever. All comments (and especially critiques) are welcome.
I am extremely impressed along with your writing abilities, Thanks for this great share.
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What a beautiful sonnet, Sam! And so fragrant too. Loved the last lines – “Divided arm-wise by wise hands on payment
On pavement; wearing on my hair Jasmine
From childhood, a fragrant tea stirring still.”
So evocative. Nothing compares to the fragrance of jasmine – in a bowl offered to the gods or on bedside, in hair or in tea.
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Thank you Beloo 🙂 I miss smelling fresh jasmine here. It’s a strong reminder of home for me.
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I love Jasmine. Your poem is as beautiful as Jasmine.
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Thank you 🙂
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Your words flow in a lucid manner, transporting the readers to the garden, where they can feel the wonderful fragrance of jasmine. I liked it more as Jasmine is my favourite flower. 🙂
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awww this one hit a nerve. in a nice way. my aunt used to wear more jasmine in her hair than her head wore errr hair. lovely ode 🙂
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Ha! I have aunties like that. 🙂 I love the look they get when they see malli poo. So romantic.
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You realize that not everyone can write like this. Beautiful!
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What an incredible compliment! Thank you girls. 🙂
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Vividly beautiful! Brilliant job bringing it all to life with your words! ♥
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Thank you Kathy. I am glad you liked it, 🙂
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This is so lovely and descriptive. Love the line “fetal fingers of a garden nymph” Fun to see a photo of jasmine flowers as I don’t know much about them.
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Thank you Cathy! I really appreciate it. 🙂
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A lovely poem for a lovely flower Sam! Now I know what the flower looks like that they make jasmine tea out of…I always wondered! 🙂 ❤
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Thanks Elly 🙂 I am glad to have been the first to show you Jasmines. They are small and powerful. 🙂
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beautiful… such lucid description you know..Loved it
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Thank you so much 🙂
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You’ve done well here, Sam, sonnets aren’t easy.
Big Hugs
john
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Thank you John.
Yep, sonnets make you work. I’m beginning to like crafting them. They make me write surprising things.
Hugs 🙂
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Jasmine is so beautiful and I too love it.
Your poem is expressing the thoughts so clearly. Wonderful
I don’t know much about poetry.
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Thank you so much Indy 🙂 Your appreciation means a lot!
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Couldn’t resist taking up the challenge to write a sonnet too 🙂 this is my first feeble attempt:
http://movingtowardsthelight.com/2015/02/11/love-sonnet/
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Not feeble at all dearie. Wonderful work. PS: the poetry MOOC is open at Iowa and I’ve signed up. What about you?
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Yes, I signed up today, hope the hours will be okay for me, thanks for that! How is your other course going?
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Let’s see. I don’t know how it’ll be organised. If it’s anything like the course I am on then you work in the hours you can. There are assignment deadlines and discussion forums to keep checking in on. this is just my second online course and my first MOOC so let’s see. Excited! 🙂
Current course is going well. The learning curve is super steep but helpful. Just 4 weeks ago I started consciously thinking about how to improve my imagist skills and now I am writing sonnets so there you go. 🙂 It’s hard and the coming assignment is a killer – villanelle or sestina (linked verses). Gosh! You’ll be able to read my efforts here 😉
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I’ve never even heard of villanelles or sestinas. And not sure I can even write structured poetry, if I try and force writing my mind seems to rebel and refuses. I forced myself to write a sonnet, but that was mainly procrastinating from housework lol 🙂
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I didn’t think I could do it either. It’s an interesting process I’ve come to realise. It’s very much a struggle for me. I needed an instructor and a group that’s struggling along with me. It’s difficult to understand it just from guide books. I don’t know how much the MOOC will dwell on formal poetry. But one major thing I’ve learnt is that poems need revisions. Something I never used to do.
Also, I love the way you procrastinate! 😉
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Yes, I did a one-day poetry workshop last year and we discussed revisions. We workshopped two poems of mine, and initially was going to add my originals to my book, but have decided after doing two rounds of editing to go with the workshopped ones. I think the editing process with a professional editor has helped me to ‘let go’, and realize my first attempts can actually be better, and there is always room for improvement. 🙂 The only thing is, like in IT the more I learn, the more I see how much I don’t know, it is sometimes more comfortable to be blissfully unaware lol. After that poetry workshop I never wrote again for about six months it made me feel that overwhelmed 🙂
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I agree with you. It is overwhelming. I am a biologist and I have felt the same everyday. The bottom-line always is to do what the poem needs even if it is not “textbook”. That way you don’t lose your spirit/voice for the sake of a form. 🙂
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Really beautiful sonnet 🙂
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Thank you Vee 🙂
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Going by the prompt that you were asked to write on, you did pretty well, Sam.
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Thank you Alok.
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This is really lovely, Sam. A beautiful ode to jasmine.
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Thank you 🙂 I am so glad to hear that you liked it.
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Beautifully written… Good poetry has the power to transport you to a world that the poet imagines… Thanks for sharing 😊
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Thank you Santosh for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. 🙂
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Huge bunch of respect for anyone who can write good poetry and you certainly fall in that category. It is something I can never manage no matter how hard I want to try. Beautifully envisioned sonnet
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Wow! Thank you Roshan. Your kind words mean a lot. I hope I write prose like you some day 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. feeling content 🙂
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Beautiful. You brought every aspect of its beauty to life. Just lovely. Hugs! 😀
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Aw, 🙂 Thanks Phoebe. It means a lot! Hugs.
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Beautiful words a lovely tribute to the intoxicating fragrance of the Jasmine.
Cheers 🙂
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Thank you Dilip for your kind comment. 🙂
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This a beautiful description. I don’t know much about sonnets but you did a great job in describing not only with the sensation of touch but also smell 🙂
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Thank you Ameena. Your comment is very encouraging. The sonnet is a hard form but rewarding. I hope to get better with time.
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