Will be back soon: Gone Lookin’

Fear is a good thing[…]fear is what drives us to take risks and extend ourselves beyond our normal limits, and any writer who feels he is standing on safe ground is unlikely to produce anything of value.

– Paul Auster, “Invisible”

Dear Void,

I have felt fear this past nine weeks. A lot of fear. I smelled the sulphur breath of a dragon still many miles away but surely snorting in anticipation of meeting me. It was healthy until…

…I stopped writing every day. You may have noticed. The fear became stale and crippling. The sulphur had plugged my synaptic junctions.

My thoughts now stray so far that my hands are always playing catch-up without ever catching up.

So here’s a pensive pause.

I’ll miss looking into you, dear Void, but I need to look into finding fresh fear.

I hope you’ll miss me too.

I shan’t be long.


To feed on fresh fear
confidently go Pale Fish
to water’s surface

Pond (c) Sam Rappaz


26 thoughts on “Will be back soon: Gone Lookin’”

  1. If you still haven’t found it, perhaps you’re looking in the wrong places…

    If you have found it, please share it with us who still fumble around the fringe.

    Been Missing You!


  2. Sometimes you have to step away to learn more of the ideas and complex concepts one wishes to say. Be well my friend and I can’t wait to tune into your newest adventures.


  3. The writers writer does it again. Welcome to the fear, welcome to the pause that swallows words and bursts them into violence that only the silent voice inside us fights. Then again this …., this pause, is a powerful tool in this ballad of your life. The period, that precedes honest and heartfelt sentences. Your posts continue to provoke thought and inspire inspiration.


  4. LIke you said, silence isn’t a bad thing, at times it can be very good and profitable. I feel we miss out on important things when we don’t listen to the silence of our souls. So will be thinking of you and looking forward to when you come back 🙂


  5. We all need to step back apace now and then and give ourselves room to breathe and contemplate what we are doing with our lives, and work. When we eventually say ‘Goodbye’ to that void we feel ready to face the world – and ourselves – with renewed gusto. Fear and self doubt are not uncommon amongst writers and artists of every type. Believe in yourself – and what others are telling you, Sam. You are a talented poet. Say goodbye to the void and move, full-steam, ahead. The weeks of self analysis will have done you the world of good. 🙂


  6. Don’t you think there’s a rhythm to life where ideas ebb and flow? We get all panicky when suddenly we’re just blank, but it’s kind of like typing on a slow computer. (At least mine!) You’re a sentence and a half ahead of where the cursor is typing the words. Julie Cameron, writing teacher and coach, says those are the times we need to get out there and refill our wells. Which I think is what you’re saying. Can you just look at it as a respite and enjoy dredging up your fresh fear? Btw, I LOVED that quote. Having taken down two things I’ve written recently, I KNEW when I’d crossed into that unsafe territory. Wasn’t willing to do it yet.


  7. Was it since the massive editing assignment? You are so good, I hope the inner silence helps. I will miss you.


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